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This was not in the story, but the mopey courthouse has an atrium with a giant wall that had all this beautiful artwork. These were things he'd been looking at his whole career when he was, you know, waiting for a trial to begin. And I knew that, so I said, let's go look at the art.
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And I remember he was like, they're beautiful, aren't they?
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And I'm like, Yeah, they really are, you know. And so it was in this moment of complete chaos, even during his condition of confusion, you could appreciate, like, the esthetic beauty of a beautiful piece of artwork on the wall, you know. And so it was like a tiny little oasis when I had no idea what was I was supposed to do.
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I music. Hello and welcome to dementia discussions, the podcast for and about caregivers. If you'd like to share your caregiving story with me, I'd love to hear it.
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Please call me at 310-362-8232 or email me at dementia discussions.net Hello and welcome to dementia discussions, the podcast for and about caregivers Today on the show, I am so thrilled to welcome Andrew Bloomenthal. I happened to read an article that Andrew wrote in Boston Magazine.
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It came out August 13, 2024 and the article was so poignant, I just felt that caregivers in my support group and clients that I've been working with could really relate to this story. So I would encourage you to pull it up online, like I did Boston Magazine August 13, and we're going to talk more about that, but before we do Andrew, I'd love to welcome you to the show.
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Thanks for being here.
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Thank you so much for having me. I was thrilled to receive an unsolicited phone call from you, but it wasn't unusual. I was receiving outreach from strangers ever since the article was published, and that's when I knew it was really resonating.
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But every single outreach I get is greatly appreciated and meaningful to me. So thank you for that.
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Absolutely. I'm so glad to hear it was well received so and I'm not surprised you're a wonderful writer. Before we talk about the article, you know you spoke about your dad, and that's, that's who you wrote the article about, and the experience that you had with him. But before we get into that, let's just talk a little bit about your dad. Tell us it sounds like he was a personal injury lawyer for decades. That's who he was professionally, but really, he was more than that. So tell us about him.
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Yeah, he he really loved and embraced his profession, which was a personal injury lawyer. But he defied cliche of what a lawyer is. He was just a beating throbbing open the heart of generosity and a caregiver in his own right, I received an email from someone I've ever met who read the article just like you, and said, Andrew, your dad represented me in 1986 and the level of care and enthusiasm and thoughtfulness he showed me, created the bar for what all lawyers should be. And you know, he always defied that cliche. He was not like someone who ran around doing victory laps when he won a case, he was just happy to get compensation for people who had been wronged. And that was who he he was. And so he was a really special guy, very dedicated. And he was also kind of goofy too, you know, he was very playful, and, you know, he made people smile. And he was just, he was, he was definitely one of a kind. It
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sounds like it, it sounds like an, it sounds like he was a piano player and someone who loved her jog. So he was into exercise. Yeah,
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he was into exercising. He was into photography. He was into boating. He was magnificent on the piano. I mean, there were so many things he did that I could describe that would really paint a picture as to who he was in an article. You know, you have a limited word count, so I had to be a little bit judicious with my words, but definitely people who knew him, family, friends, said when they read the story that I brought him back to life, and they thanked me. And you know, I was, it was always a kind of a little bit of a of a strange contemplation or meditation whether I should write this article, and I'll tell you the origins of the story in a minute. But, you know, he's not here to give his consent. So I was a. Little hesitant about writing publicly about my my dad, then I realized that I made the right decision, because everyone says that I honored him, and I sort of choose to believe that feedback, but still, I hope you know being truthful. I did have some pause, but I think I made the right decision, and I think he would be proud of it.
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I absolutely agree. Yeah,
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thank you for saying so. It's always a vulnerable thing to put out a personal story for public consumption, but what happened was a truthful situation, and I'm trying to personally be more forthright with my own experiences. So that's why I decided to post this story publicly in Boston Magazine.
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Thank
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you for doing it. Yeah, I'm glad you did too.
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It took you a while. It sounds like your dad was diagnosed a while ago, right? Yeah, he was well, let's go back even before he was diagnosed. It sounds like you and your mom were noticing changes in your dad.
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Yeah, see physical symptoms of Parkinson's disease. He had been diagnosed.
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He was having some minor tremors and like, maybe his index finger or something like that. But when he got sort of formally diagnosed with Parkinson's, the cognitive aspect of it, the cognitive decline that's not always paired with Parkinson's, but sometimes it is. And yeah, when you know someone, you can detect the slightest difference in the cadence of their speech, or if you know they might be searching for a word. And we kind of noticed it, but it was one of those things where, you know, your mind does some mental gymnastics, and you say, Oh, he's just tired today, and so you don't really kind of want to acknowledge it. I think it's, it's a protective mechanism, and I know that's how it was for me.
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But then, you know, it became clear as time marched on, that there was definitely cognitive aspects, and we had to address it and try to find out what kind of remedies there, there were, and there were some medications available, but I don't think they made that much of a difference. However, my mom is the true unsung hero
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in the article you wrote. And I think this is so true, you didn't discuss what you were noticing with your mom because it would make it seem real. And I think that is so true, that is such a true line, like everyone's sort of noticing things right with their spouse or with their parent or with their friend, and at the beginning, no one's really talking about and you said this.
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You said, you know, we wanted to chalk it up to stress from retirement, right? This is sort of all like kind of coincided with when you closed his office and cleaned out his office, right? His law practice, you decided. Or how did that come about?
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Yeah, that's That's correct. You know, he was practicing law for decades and decades, and so when it came time for him to retire, and we created up all the past cases and all these giant files, and it was really an emotional day, because here we had evidence of his dedication to his clients and to providing for his family for so long. So I think that was top of the mind. But there was more emotional components to that day, because it was kind of early signs of slowing down in his with his speech patterns a little bit. But it wasn't really the time to name it or to acknowledge it. I think we both came to that conclusion independently, my mom and I, because it was already an emotionally loaded day. So yeah, and then we did chalk it up to, you know, here he was trying to navigate a new chapter in his life, and that that could be stressful and that could be jarring. So we thought maybe he was just having anxiety. Like I said, there's many ways you can sort of be in denial about what's right in front of you, and that's kind of how I remember playing out, and that was quite a while ago. We'd gone through so much since then, but that that's how it was for me and my memories of it. However, I think everyone else's journey is different, with different timetables and different acceleration tables, so I don't really purport to know what it's like for other people. I just want to be clear about that.
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Oh, absolutely, yeah. This is just your experience with your dad. Of course. Yeah. So you does go on to see, was it a neurologist and get diagnosed, have have cognitive testing? Was that an internist, a neurologist, a nurse?
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We went to a leading neurologist and, you know, and they did some mini mental tests, which, you know, are little like memory tests and stuff like that. And the neurologists just put any doubt to rest that, yeah, he is having cognitive issues. And, I mean, we kind of knew for sure, but it's a different follow AX when you get a professional diagnosis, there's no denying it at that point. And that was a tough day. I I was living in Manhattan at the time, my parents were in Boston, so I would come home quite a bit, and I remember going to that appointment. So yeah, that was an inevitability, and it just so happens that he was kind of unlucky with someone who's Parkinson's had that emotional component. But, you know, we didn't let it diminish our dedication to making him comfortable and doing everything we could. And again, my mom was, like, she led the charge on everything. I don't, I can't overstate that enough, so I hope that's coming across
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so your mom, yeah, was his primary caregiver.
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She
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was and she's stronger than me, and, you know, emotionally and more resilient. And so for me, I think that I'm kind of reactive, you know, and she's more measured. So I'm glad because she was the one who was in the trenches, you know, I was only stealthing in for a visit, or, I mean, Pablo, those visits, you know, increase in frequency. She was there and did just an amazing job. She always does
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over time. Like, what were you noticing with your dad? Were you noticing that he was asking the same question over and over again, or repeating the same stories? Or what sorts of things were you seeing?
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I mean, it was really just mixing up names, mixing up dates, you know, I mean, I remember him saying, oh, here, so and so down the street, has just been deployed to Vietnam, when he meant to say Afghanistan. Or, you know, he was trying to talk about Harry Potter. And he was like, you know, the the kid with the glasses, that, that kind of thing, you know, because he was sharp, it was very, very bright.
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So for him to have a lack of recall and get certain basic things wrong, that was part of it. But yeah, I mean, even, I mean, personally, for me to see someone slip is kind of eerie, because, you know, you don't know how far worse it's gonna get. So there's, like, this unsettled feeling that I personally experienced, and that was difficult, that caused me to go down a bit of a rabbit hole, if we're being completely honest. You know, that was, that was, yeah, because, you know, I mean, I was, I am close to my family, and, I mean, without giving, you know, any specific details he sometimes he would get agitated, and, you know, sometimes I would get agitated because I wouldn't handle his agitation well. And I would like, it's easier to be angry than it is to feel pain, you know, and so I reflect back on how I didn't always have the patience that I could have. And I'm not a professional caregiver. I'm just the sufferer son. So, you know, I referenced that in the article that you
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talk a little bit, you say that that you regret not having as much patience for your dad as you wish you had, in retrospect and and I can tell you that almost every support group I lead there is someone who says, I lose my patients and I regret it. So you are not alone in that, if you can imagine, right? I mean, over decades, I've led support groups, and there are always caregivers who regret losing their patients, and it's so common because usually this disease, the hallmark is short term memory loss, right? So if you can't remember the story you just told, or the question you just asked and you ask it repeatedly, or tell the story repeatedly, whoever is the recipient of that is oftentimes going to lose their patients, right? So were there things that your mom was struggling with, you know, kind of on a daily basis to get your dad to do?
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There was definitely a struggle for him to comply with his pill regimen. He was naturally phobic of medication, even doing his well years he was like averse to taking an aspirin, which is funny because his father was a physician, and maybe that caused him to be a little bit conservative with medication. So you can imagine someone who had to take three. 100 pills per day, multiple times per day, that was bit of a fight. And that was just his his nature that became further exacerbated with his disease. So I think that was a frustration for him, and consequently a frustration for us as well. But I probably would be the same, you know. So I can understand where it comes from. It's just that things get exaggerated when you know you're in some kind of cognitive decline. So I think you hit the nail on the head with his aversion to taking his medication, because he was on several different regimens that had to be taken multiple times per day, and that was a struggle for him, because he was averse to medication even before his disease, and so this only was like exacerbated, and it was something that you know, he had to deal with regularly. It was never gonna stop. So that was a hardship for him, and it was hard for me to watch, but a lot of that helped when he ultimately was put into a facility where you had a staff that like that was their mission to help administer medication, and they knew all the tricks of the trade. So, I mean, that made quite a bit of difference. He alleviated a lot of anxiety for my mom once that happened. So
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before he was in the facility, was he prescribed medication for his agitation? Or was he ever aggressive with your mom? Like, physically aggressive? No,
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I don't think he was. I don't think he was physically combative. It's just that, like he despised having to take any medication, you know, even an aspirin was something that, you know, he would rather not have to take, you know, so
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and just getting into his head for a minute, if he had always been this very, you know, athletic, healthy guy, right, who didn't take even an aspirin, why would he need to take three pills Several times a day. Now, like that wouldn't make any sense to someone who thinks they're fine, right?
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Because if he doesn't remember that he has these diagnoses, why would he need to take any pills at all? Right?
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Yeah, and as his decline, worse than his agitation worsened along with it, because there were things like blood pressure and medication that was trying to remedy the physical parts of the disease, and then others that were meant for, you know, mental sharpness. So there was the cocktail of different things he had to take. And it was rough, you know. So you want to see you don't want to see anyone. Have to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. And yet this was, like, absolutely necessary.
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Oftentimes, there was a silver lining about it, but, but the meds, the meds were almost an obsessive trigger. I would say boring, and
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that's why so many caregivers end up crushing them in food, putting them in ice cream. I had one caregiver who would take the Oreo apart and put it in the filling, put the Oreo back together. You know, so many different ways of having someone ingest meds without them knowing it, putting them in a liquid form, putting it in their coffee in the morning, a patch form, right? So put a patch on their back. I mean, lots of different ways to get people to take medications without all that friction, or just saying, oh, you know, here's one medication, and then two hours later, some a caregiver just brought this up yesterday in my support groups, just saying, like, Oh, I forgot to give you these two. Oh, oops.
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Here, here. Take these two now, you know, kind of just pretending they forgot to give the medicines, and then, oh yeah, here are the rest of you know, here's the last two you need to take casually. Oh, okay, and then his wife took them. So it's a dance,
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it is. And which is why, you know, I want to take the time to salute all the caregivers in the world, because you do an amazing and necessary job that probably contains its own intensity. And anxiety, and you guys plow through like champions. So I want to just take a minute to acknowledge that and tell you I appreciate what you guys do and continue to do, and to thank you for that I get. I got to see that firsthand with the staff of the people that orbited around my dad and you guys perform a very special function and deserve recognition for it.
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Absolutely,
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I agree. So your mom decides, maybe together, you decide to have your dad move to a facility. So how was that day?
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Yeah, there were times, you know, when he would lose his direction, he could go out for a walk and then forget how to get back home. And that that was very, very scary.
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Was he insisting on walk, at taking walks like was he Yeah,
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because there, I mean, see, the thing is like this. I. Cognitive decline.
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It's it's incremental, you know, it's not just a binary change one day. And so, you know, sometimes when you see someone's behavior change, at first, you somehow excuse it, and then, you know, maybe he would go out for a walk and he would make it home, but he might have had trouble, but other times he would end up having some one shepherd home, or something like that. So, you know, there were just worrisome things like that.
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I won't get into the actual details about what the tipping point was when we decided it was really essential for us to put him in an assisted living facility. Overall, it was kind of profound relief, because we my mom and my sister and I went to like, five or six facilities and interviewed the directors of each place. And you know, we had the autonomy to make a choice where we felt had the right vibe and level of care that would be good for him. So that was kind of empowering, in a way, and be have governance over that decision, and once it happened, it really did change everything, because after so many years of difficulty, like now, he was in a place that's its modus operandi, was to help people in his position, and that really just like, flipped the switch where my mom's been finally breathe and know that she had the support, physical support and most emotional support that she needed. So yeah, it really does, like,
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I think it really shows how caregiving really can't be done by one person, because at these facilities, they have shifts.
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They have three shifts of care, right? So your mom is one person trying to do it all, and then he enters a facility where that they're, you know, someone's on an eight hour shift, leaves someone else walks in for another eight hours, you know, right? It's, it takes a village.
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Yeah, it really does. And unless she's getting help at home, which it doesn't sound like she was, it's, it's really, it's exhausting. It's overwhelming to do this on your own for a long period of time, and much is it can last a long period of time.
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And
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it really even just knowing that, you know, someone would have to make rounds, you know, during the night to make sure no one had fallen or, you know, there was they were just there. That was their purpose. And you're absolutely right. But that said, I my mom, she was absolutely present on a daily basis. She was She ate with him in the dining area every single night, and they had, like it almost kind of restored their previous dynamic, where she could just enjoy him, because he was still he was still funny and present he and we had my mom and dad have an incredible network of friends. And no, my mom would show up, and there would be this person and that person and like, it just set the foundation for a much more tranquil existence for my mom. And it was just, it was the right thing to do.
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Yeah, she could go back to being the wife, right? Yeah,
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completely.
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And, you know, she would do this cute little ritual, ritual where she would knock on the door and say hello and hello and like it was, it was very, very charming.
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And it was just kind of and when I would, when I would visit, sometimes, like his little apartment. He had his own little room, and there was this like seating area outside with the couch. And like, when I would visit, sometimes I would just, like, pass out on the couch and sleep over for the night. And it was kind of like this cloistered environment where it was kind of, I mean, I wouldn't say I would wish anyone would have to do this, but it does change the dynamic to know that there's support. And yeah, so that was that was a game changer for sure.
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So before he moved, and since we talked about the article, let's go back to that for a minute. Let's talk about that experience you had with his his last name court. So
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this was the one of the most surreal days of my life, and basically, I was visiting my parents in Hall, which is a beachfront community near Boston, about a half an hour away from Boston, and this was early after my dad's retirement. It was about a year after he shuttered his office, and one day, when I was visiting, my mom knocked on the bedroom door and she alerted me to the fact that she was gonna have to drive my dad into Boston because he had a case on the docket, or so, he said. And he could not be deterred. And. It's like, Mom, what are you talking about? He's you retired. And you know, people reading the article may think, may wonder why we even thought there was a possibility that he might be right. Well, the reason is because, like when you retire, you still have to punt your existing cases to other attorneys, because some of them may not be completely concluded, and then those attorneys may reach out, reach out back to you for support on one case or another. And he was still kind of lucid, you know. So when he said he had a case in court, we couldn't just reject that idea full stop. So without a choice, we decided to drive him into the courthouse, just on the off chance that maybe he did. I mean, this was a true act of improvisation. We had no clue what to expect. I don't know if you want me to continue with describing the story, or
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if we leave it here, I just want
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to tell you it's a great story. Well, okay, so was a blazing hot summer day when my mom knocked on the door, and it was like, early in the morning. She sped Yeah, dad thinks he's got a case in court, so I'm driving him into the courthouse, into Boston. So have a good morning. And she was acting like a little bit cavalier about it, because I think it was kind of so nerve wracking that he was so insistent, but he couldn't be deterred. He's like, I have a case. And I remember feeling like, completely certain that he did not have a case. And it was a really, really kind of queasy move that I made when I totally lied to him, and I said, No, God, you don't have a case. He said, How do you know? And I said, because I called the courthouse and they said it's you don't have a case. And he's like, Well, who did you speak to? And I realized, like I was going down this like rabbit hole of compounding one lie after another. And I it haunts me that I tried to trick him. I don't know what made me do it, except that I thought like I could just stem his confusion by being assertive. And it was like it still bothers me that I that I completely told this tall tale about speaking to someone at the courthouse when I totally did not.
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And I'll just tell you that if you had been going to support groups your fellow caregivers would absolutely encourage you to do just that. So you did the right thing, because usually it doesn't help to confront a person head on, right so you're trying to kind of get in their minds, like they say, Don't argue, don't reason and don't confront. So you're just kind of saying, like, Hey, Dad, I spoke to someone at the courthouse.
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You know what? You're not on the docket. You're good. You don't have a case today, and it's okay. You're trying to just like, you know, distract him a little like, tell him you checked it out. All is right in the world. He can relax. I call it being creative. Some people call it lying, but I call it you're being creative in the moment, and it's okay. Anyone in you know, your fellow caregivers would have said, yeah, they would have encouraged you to probably keep going with the lie. So Wow. Well, this
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is certainly a new perspective, and I really appreciate hearing it, because you're undoing, like, all these years long feelings of guilt that I've had over over that, but it was really just role play. I mean, I wasn't trying to deceive anyone, but that did I sometimes say, Yeah,
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called fids, just little little eyes to make the date go easier right the moment? Yeah. Well,
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I definitely feel like I needed to disclose the truth of what I did, the truth of the lie. And I did try to bullshit him, which was like my motive was pure. I was trying to diffuse the situation Absolutely. So we decided to drive to the courthouse, and this is in the article, when my mom looked at his attire. And it was summertime. It was nearly 100 degrees, and he was wearing shorts and a T shirt. She's like, wait a minute, we need to get him properly dressed. And it was a comedy of errors. We just we called around, like, to see what stores were open, you know, Marc or target to buying some clothes. And nothing was open, because it was still like, you know, nine o'clock or something like that. So we slipped into a goodwill. And it was just the weirdest thing, because there she was shopping for, you know, slacks and a blazer and and she was good at that. I was and I remember going to the DVD section thinking, Oh, wow, here's Tropic Thunder, the director's cut for $3 but wait a minute, should I be doing this?
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We're trying to put out a fire.
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I shouldn't be looking at the DVD section. But you know, life, you know, sometimes combines moments of levity with serious moments, and it's kind of a mosaic. And so that whole morning was full of those moments. We so she got him the most amazing attire, the most amazing outfit. He looked like a million bucks, and we drove to the courthouse and then without a plan whatsoever. But what we're going to do, if he doesn't have a case on the docket, well, how is he going to react? Is he going to is that going to compound his confusion. It was a total act of improvisation, and we had no idea how this is going to play out. And the way it did play out was kind of a magical day. And I should I walk through what happened? Yeah, sure. So after my mom found the perfect outfit for him where he looked completely professional and handsome.
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And you said in an article that you were looking the two of you were looking in the rear view mirror, mirror, looking at each other like, Oh my God. I mean, without Curt like, What the f are we going to do here? Right? It's
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true, because, like, we both knew that this was the most unlikely series of events, and we had no idea what the outcome was going to be, and we had no idea what our course of action was. We were just kind of driving to the courthouse. I think was actually a stall tactic, because maybe he would relax this notion that he had a court case, maybe he would just think we're going on for a drive. But he kept on, like, saying, Come on, we got to get going. He was, you know, locked into this idea. So you
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knew where you were going, right? He knew the courthouse. He recognized it completely.
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He was he named it. He's like, this is the Moakley federal courthouse in Boston. It's a beautiful it's beautiful architecture, and it's where he spent so many years of his professional life litigating cases. So this was just, I think looking back on it, the familiarity of the routine of him going to court is what he was defaulting back to the way his mind was working at the time. So, yeah, he was very specific. He wasn't like, oh, I have a case. He's like, I gotta get to the monthly courthouse.
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And so there was just a comedy of errors. Once we got there, the parking lot was completely full. The car was, like, almost out of gas. My mom's phone was back when we had flip phones, before iPhones. Her phone was dying, and she couldn't we couldn't find a parking spot, so we double parked by the courthouse entrance, by the gate outside the parking lot, where a guard was like, You can't leave the car there, so someone had to stay with the car, which suddenly the strength in numbers went from, you know, three to two. And so my mom's phone was dying, so I couldn't I wasn't sure how much G she had, but she couldn't keep the car running to charge the phone because we were running on empty. It was like kind of catastrophic, but we were just trying to move along with what was happening at the time. It was all kind of chaotic. And so we went to the courthouse, and then they made me surrender my phone. The security, I don't know if they do that now, but at the time you go through the metal detectors, and I do recall, you know, this wasn't in the story, but like, they were wanting my dad and his belt had set off the metal detectors. And I pulled the guard aside, and he said, You know his Parkinson's, it'll be difficult for him to, like, remove his belt. Please give us a break. And the guard showed some compassion and let him proceed. But they did make me surrender my phone, and like I said in the article, that was a perfect time for me to talk to the woman behind the desk to check the computer. And that's when stone cold reality hit that. No, he did not have a case. I mean, there was, like, a tiny percent chance that maybe his name was like on the docket as like poke counsel. And to our credit, we we took the time to find out, I mean, and I'm glad that we did, but I was kind of like in flux when I realized he didn't have a case. Like, what was it? What was I going to do?
00:34:10.019 --> 00:34:48.820
I had already tried to explain to him that the case had been resolved and it did not work. So this was like taking the improvisation to the next level, and I had no idea what what I could possibly do. So I, I remember at one point we walked over. This was not in the story, but the mopey courthouse has, there's an atrium with a giant wall that had all this beautiful artwork, and it's mostly color blocked, like giant shapes of vibrant reds and yellows and greens and circles and squares.
00:34:46.300 --> 00:34:58.360
And I forget the name of the artist, but these were things he'd been looking at his whole career, you know, when he was, you know, waiting for a trial to begin. And I knew that, so I said, let's go look at the art.
00:34:58.780 --> 00:35:07.079
And sorry. Is, this wasn't in the article, but I remember, like, we were just looking at this artwork, and
00:35:07.980 --> 00:35:10.139
it's okay, there's Ruby tears,
00:35:10.320 --> 00:36:45.219
yeah? Well, he's like, they're beautiful, arent they? And like, Yeah, they really are, you know? And so it was like, in this moment of complete chaos, even during his condition of confusion, you could appreciate, like, the esthetic beauty of like a beautiful piece of artwork on the wall, you know. And so it was like a tiny, tiny, little oasis when I had no idea what the fuck was I was supposed to do. But that gave me a minute to, like, think, I Well, let's just go into a courtroom and just observe, because that'll be a rich moment where he could at least experience being in a courtroom, even if he wasn't actually litigating. So that would be a nice little like diversion. And so I'm like, let's just go check out one of the trials. And so I just randomly chose one of the courtrooms, and it was just so weird. The morning kept getting weirder and weirder because I saw this, like, notorious murderer, and I'm not supposed to say who he was, so I'm not going to but I remember watching like, this was like the second day of his appeal. And I remember, like, watching Channel 38 which is, like, one of the local stations in Boston, all about this guy, scary, too. And so sitting there, and there's only two seats, and so my dad and I took these two seats. And, you know, it's just like we're watching this case. Meanwhile, I'm, like, processing what, you know, what are we what are we gonna do now, should I just say, Okay, time to go. And that wouldn't have been sufficient.
00:36:45.219 --> 00:38:10.619
We were already there. And that's when I sort of like noticed the judge presiding over this, this case, this murder appeal trial, and then I had this idea that I would maybe find a judge who was like in recess or didn't have a case, and maybe he could just give my dad some love. You know, say, You know what, you've always enjoyed, you whether or not he knew my dad or not, it was a really, it was kind of a Hail Mary. So I told my dad that I was going to leave and go to the bathroom, and I went downstairs to the brown floor to the administrative offices, and I spoke to the clerk, and I asked him. I said, I was my father has Parkinson's and he has Parkinson's related dementia, and I was wondering if you could find a judge who could talk to him and, you know, tell him and thank him for his service. It was so weird and really kind of inappropriate of me. But I was like, you know, it was sort of off my axes at that point, you know, such a heightened, surreal morning, all of it. So as the words came out of my mouth, and I was like, Yeah, can you have a judge give my dad, you know, pat on the back, I was thinking, she's what? What's wrong with you, like, how? Why? Why are you visiting my why? I was asking myself, why am I visiting my drama on a complete stranger?
00:38:10.739 --> 00:38:33.380
And like I said in the story, I said, You know what? Sorry about that. Forget that. And as I walked away, he called me back, and it was at that point, you know, he said, Go bring it, bring your dad down here. And I went back up to the third floor and got my dad and the guy, he performed like a total mitzvah.
00:38:34.039 --> 00:38:52.539
He said, Mr. Blumenthal, what a what a pleasure it is to see you again. And they had a moment, and the guy was just completely planning on this show, but he, like I said, he wasn't doing it to be condescending or tricky.
00:38:46.719 --> 00:39:26.239
He was being remedial. And he just said, you won. I don't you know the judge decided in your favor, and and my dad, he was just, it was like you could hear like a chorus. And he was so happy. And and then my dad said, Wait a minute, what about an appeal? And the guy said, No, that can't happen. You. This is rock solid. You, you did it. And God can't believe I'm getting emotional about this. So all I kept thinking is like, I don't know this guy. And this, this person was completely a co conspirator in solving this.
00:39:26.300 --> 00:39:59.920
This fucked up morning, and they shook hands, and we walked out, and my mom, who was like shackled to the car, which was illegally double parked, you know, and it was too she couldn't sit in the car because there was not enough gas to actually, from the AC on, she was sweating, bullocks. Imagine her position, you know, dispatching us inside the courthouse. She had no idea what I had in mind. This isn't a had no plan. So we walk out, and we're both like, beaming, and I.
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:33.980
I said in the article, she did a bonafide double take, because she actually did a bonafide double take. And we told her what happened, and it became like this story that she would tell over the dinner table to friends and family members, and every they would always say, My God, I got the chills like and it was so random. That's that's What's so weird about is like, I couldn't have predicted that this one particular clerk would have been the exact right guy to speak to who would have a compassion, you know, to show that kind of care, you know,
00:40:34.159 --> 00:40:37.280
and so exactly what was needed in the moment, right?
00:40:37.940 --> 00:40:43.420
It did, and I didn't have a chance to speak to him separately, out, you know, without my dad listening.
00:40:43.420 --> 00:40:49.900
So I went back into the courthouse because I felt the need to thank him, and he said, You You don't have to thank me.
00:40:49.900 --> 00:42:01.559
I've been through it, you know, my dad had dementia, and I understand. And I could not have known that, you know, when I approached him, you know. And so the origin of this article is why I wrote it, because my mom would tell it all the time to astonished feedback, to anyone who would listen, because it was such a remarkable turn of events. And then she knew it was a writer, so she's like, you know, you really should write this down so, you know, forget all the details. And I did and shopped it around, and lo and behold, it landed in Boston Magazine, the most appropriate publication for a Boston themed story. So it was one of those, the shirt moments, which is, uh, absolutely, but the shirt, yeah, it was meant to be. And so that's, that's how the story got published, and and now, now that I'm talking about it, I don't have any second thoughts about doing it, because it really was something that, you know, I think we all need to fear inspiring tales in difficult times. And this is that. So says that,
00:42:01.679 --> 00:42:05.820
yeah, no, you you honored your dad. Yeah, who he was.
00:42:06.179 --> 00:42:09.360
I fucking hope so, because you did, you did.
00:42:09.599 --> 00:42:12.179
It was a very inspiring story. It really was.
00:42:12.239 --> 00:42:17.519
Let me see if I can stop crying.
00:42:12.239 --> 00:42:58.360
Yeah, it was a very inspiring story. Absolutely you honored your dad. I'm so glad that you wrote it, that you got it out on paper. Your mom was right. You know, you are a writer. You write beautifully, and you really brought him to life and who he was and the and you brought to life like because you're right. You're living in the moment with a person with dementia. You're oftentimes shooting from the hip, and you shot from the hip and shot right that day. You know you really, you nailed it. You happen to find the right person to talk to, who put you at, who put your dad at ease. He said exactly the right things. So, yeah, home run, really.
00:42:58.780 --> 00:43:07.739
Thank you so much, Barbara, it's, it was a little bit of luck, but I'll take the compliment with gratitude. It means a lot.
00:43:08.280 --> 00:43:21.559
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. And for the for listeners, again, I encourage you to read the article, to read the story. It's it's really well written, Andrew, you did a beautiful job.
00:43:17.820 --> 00:43:40.340
And thank you for having the courage to come here today. I so appreciate you. I know it was hard to tell this story, but really what you went through is what so many caregivers go through. I cannot tell you how many caregivers are are in the midst of a day like the day you had so well.
00:43:40.400 --> 00:43:46.539
I applaud that you reached out, sure that was a leap of faith on your part, and absolutely
00:43:46.840 --> 00:43:49.119
and you happen to pick up the phone. So thank you.
00:43:49.360 --> 00:43:52.059
You're quite welcome. Thank you, of course.
00:43:58.719 --> 00:44:04.980
Thank you for joining us today on another episode of dementia discussions.
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If you're a caregiver or know someone who's a caregiver that would like to be a guest on the show, please call me at 310-362-8232, or go to dementia discussions.net. Forward, slash contact, and let me know, I would love to have you remember that you can follow dementia discussions on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google podcasts and many more. If you listen on Apple podcasts, it would mean a lot if you would leave me a review. For any other information about this podcast, please visit me at dementia discussions.net and please share this podcast with someone you know, if you think it may help.
00:44:42.639 --> 00:44:49.119
Thanks again for listening, and I'll see you here again next time on dementia discussions.
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You.
